Colin Hansen: Everything is coming up roses

After declaring the recession over in British Columbia, Finance Minister Colin Hansen has proclaimed there is a cure for AIDS, Global Warming has stabilized and Georgian luger, Nodar Kumaritashvili’s death at the 2010 Olympics was just a dream.

Hansen, who deceived British Columbians during the 2009 Provincial election about the true size of the Provincial budget deficit, has proclaimed the recession over in BC despite cutting funding for services that sent hundreds of people to the unemployment lines. So emboldened was the Minister with his declaration, Hansen went on to declare the end of AIDS, Global Warming and a soap opera ending to Nodar Kumaritashvili’s tragic death.

“I was going to go so far as to say the oil spill in Gulf of Mexico has stopped but I thought that might be pushing it,” said the Minister.

Unfortunately, people running out of employment cheques that are contemplating a career at Tim Horton’s did not get Mr. Hansen’s memo.

John Baird hosts T-Dance at PMO’s office

Outed Minister of Transportation, John Baird, will be hosting a weekend T-Dance for other closeted politicians at the Prime Minister’s office.

Baird has been fielding tough questions from the opposition while Prime Minister Stephen Harper continues his “Let’s do nothing and see how it works out” tour of Europe. The Minister has flared his nostrils at the opposition’s accusations of a Conservative culture of intimidation and their opposition to the proposed repeal of the national gun registry.

“Being angry and clouding the issues is hard,” says Baird. “It’s time for a little fun. And you know what they say about when the cat is away….”

The Minister is still waiting for Peter McKay to RSVP.