Translink improves service; busses to compete with each other

Taking its cue from BC Health Minister Kevin Falcon’s plan to pit hospitals against each other to compete for funding, Translink has decided to race city busses against each to cut costs and improve service. Routes that get the most passengers to their destination the fastest will get the best busses that are maintained on a regular basis. Slower routes will be penalized with diesel busses that break down all the time.

Paul Hackman, a spokesman for Translink, says that although Minister Falcon’s plan has increased administrative costs by 15% in the European countries that have experimented with it, it’s still worth a go. “So what if it’s a bad idea? It’s an idea. If nothing else we’ll prove how good the transit system was once it really starts to suck.”

No word yet if fire and ambulance plan to use competition as a means of improving service.

Majority of British Columbians agree with Bill Vander Zalm; hell freezes over

Geologists at the Ministry of Energy and Mines are reporting cooling and hardening of the earth in British Columbia hindering natural gas mines and ground breakings on more casinos.

“We don’t have concrete proof but we think hell is freezing is over,” says geologist Rocky Loess. “With the majority of British Columbians agreeing with Bill Vander Zalm that the HST puts the burden of BC economic recovery on the people who can least afford it, it’s the only explanation we can think of."

Disgraced BC Premier Bill Vander Zalm was notorious for raising the ire of many of the same British Columbians he has aligned himself with.

Geologists don’t expect a referendum on the HST to keep hell from freezing over. “If Bill Vander Zahm thinks the HST is a horrible idea, how else do the Liberals plan to screw us?"